It feels like losing you

After that night, fear stopped being theoretical.

Jun jumped at every notification, every sideways glance. He rehearsed denial in his head, practiced neutral expressions in mirrors. Loving Dylan felt like carrying a secret that could shatter his life if dropped.

Dylan, meanwhile, grew quieter.

Not distant — but careful. He touched Jun less in public, looked away faster, built walls that hurt Jun even as he understood why they were there.

One evening, Jun confronted him in the practice room, voice shaking. “You’re pulling away.”

Dylan exhaled slowly. “I’m protecting us.”

“It doesn’t feel like protection,” Jun said. “It feels like losing you.”

Dylan stepped closer, eyes dark. “I lose you if I don’t.”

Jun laughed bitterly. “So this is it? We love each other only in the dark?”

Dylan hesitated.

That hesitation hurt worse than anything else.

“I don’t know how to keep you safe,” Dylan admitted. “But I know I can’t let you go.”

Jun closed the distance and wrapped his arms around Dylan, pressing his face into his shoulder. “Then don’t.”

They stood like that for a long time, breathing each other in, memorizing the feeling in case one day it was all they had left.

On stage, they were flawless.

Offstage, they were fractured and choosing each other anyway.

Jun understood then that love wasn’t always soft. Sometimes it was survival. Sometimes it was fear. Sometimes it was choosing someone even when the world made it dangerous.

And every day, despite everything, Dylan chose him back.