You chose the stage, not me

Three years have passed since I last saw his face…
Since I last heard his voice singing gentle songs to me when I woke up drenched in sweat from another nightmare.
Since I last felt the touch of his hands, the way he loved stroking my head.
Hwang Hyunjin was my first and only love in my entire life…

Our breakup happened suddenly.
It was raining hard that day.
We had a fight.
Our yelling echoed through the entire house.
I dreamed of a career, and he dreamed of me.
His fear of losing me was so strong that we broke up that very same day.
I was too ashamed to pack my things or ask him to send them later.

"If my dream means nothing to you — my one and only dream in this world — then you don’t love me!" I yelled.

"I… I… Felix," he said in a trembling voice. His eyes filled with tears.

"No matter what happens, I have to follow my dream. I’ve worked so hard," I said through tears. "I risked all my health, my entire life to become an idol, and now you tell me to give up? How could you?"

"Felix!" he screamed pleadingly. "Why? Why like this? Why don’t you think about me? Am I not worthy… that you would… you…" He couldn’t finish.

"That I would what? Give up everything for you?" I continued. "I don’t think about you, you don’t think about me. That’s it. This is pointless." I picked up my phone from the table.

"Wait!" he shouted, accidentally hitting the cup of tea I had just made.

Everything spilled onto his hand.
But Hyunjin didn’t feel the physical pain — because I walked away.
Walked away and didn’t come back.

Hyunjin fell to his knees and began to sob.

I didn’t return home for three years.
I deleted his number so I would never call again.
And he never wrote to me either.
Every notification on my phone felt like torture.
Even after so much time, I still hoped he would write. Call.

I developed a disorder. Then a second. A third.
Anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia.
No one sang me lullabies anymore.
No one held me during storms.
No one was there.

Thousands of fans, handshakes, words of gratitude, gifts, branded clothes — all of it faded compared to his playful smile, his arms around my waist, the cocoa with marshmallows he made every time I was sad, the clothes still left in our shared closet.

…There is no love that lasts forever.
There are no people who will stay loyal to you until the end of their lives.
There is no emotion strong enough to make someone wait for another person for three years in a row.