Chapter 1

Can this world turn away from a person, completely stop perceiving him as a living being? Is there really good and evil, and how can one avoid taking that very step, crossing the line between love and hatred, loyalty and betrayal, truth and deception?

Donghun always tried to live according to his conscience. Many told him that you will eat shit, my friend, if you continue to help everyone, but you won’t get over yourself, and Hun continued to try to make this world at least a little better. Already from childhood, he realized that he was different from others, but what the difference was he could not figure out to this day. He saw the world somehow differently, he had completely different values, he was never interested in what many people are interested in. Donghun was always alone, but he preferred to think that he had friends. This made it much easier to cope with the proud title “I’m not like you,” which many people dream about, but have no idea how difficult it really is.

While Hun was a teenager, everything was going good. His peers were fascinated by the fact that Donghun was different from them. This was his peculiar highlight. He was very kind and open, everyone knew that if something bad happened in his life, they could always run to Donghun and cry on his shoulder. Hun will always listen and be sorry. Only that’s where it all ended, because, coming to senses, the person again went back to his old life, leaving Hun alone with himself.

Hun tried to be like everyone else. He and the guys ran away from classes in the school, skipped classes at the university, smoked some cheap cigarettes for company, so as not to be a “black sheep”, and pretended that he liked to drink strong alcohol. But despite all this, he never had problems with his studies, he got away with all the sessions for reasons unknown to everyone, he never smelled of tobacco or fumes, which cannot be said about his environment. Donghun tried so hard not to stand out, but by doing so he stood out even more.

He tried to go with the flow, adapting to any situation, but each time all these situations slowly took away a part of his soul. He was tired of misunderstandings from those around him, tired of sidelong glances in his direction, and constant gossip. It would seem, what else is needed? He had a job, although not the profitable one he dreamed of, but still it was there. The only remaining friend from his time at school and university. A rented apartment, which every time hinted to him that it was time to move out; you can’t afford such apartments, dear. But Hun stubbornly continued to believe in the best. It seemed to him that by doing good unselfishly it would return to him and fate would finally become favorable. But, for some reason, throughout his entire life this law never worked.

Donghun rejoiced at every good little thing that made him at least a little happier. One day he met a guy on the Internet. It all happened by chance, Donghun just left some comment under a meaningless picture and that guy, Sehyoon, wrote to him first. Without hesitation, he told him directly that Hun had beautiful, kind eyes and the guy really liked them. Donghun was surprised and shocked at the same time; his new acquaintance, like a tsunami, carried him away into a new adventure of online communication. Sehyoon was sweet to his words, he constantly complimented, constantly interested in what Donghun was doing, whether he had eaten, how he was feeling. It seemed that it was not enough for Sehyoon to just chat like this in the evenings about nothing, exchange a couple of voice messages and self-talk. It seemed to Donghun that this guy could be trusted, so he told him everything: how hard it was for him, what he felt, how he saw the world around him. Probably for the first time, Hun felt exactly in his rightful place; he was sure that Sehyoon was exactly the person with whom he would be ready to go through life to the end.

“Let’s meet,” Hun saw a notification on the screen one morning, “I want to see the real you.”

Pleased, Donghun immediately told his friend about the news, sharing a photo of Sehyoon. Mr.Kwan, as a relationship specialist (as he called himself), immediately said that he would have to go with Donghun to this meeting. Like a true friend, Kwan immediately took Donghun shopping, helping him look like modern people.

Such a long-awaited meeting took place, but in the end everything desired happened completely differently. Sehyoon and Kwan became close right in front of Hun, who was watching all this. Literally the next day, the two went for a walk without telling Donghun about it, and after Sehyoon wrote him a message saying that he was grateful and for anything for meeting Kwan. That Kwan is the one who misses Sehyoon so much in his life, that Kwan is like a breath of clean air among all the shit surrounding Sehyyon. He also thanked Hun for always taking the time to replay the messages. Thanks to him, Sehyoon could spend his time normally at his boring job. If it weren’t for such a sincere and sociable Hun, Sehyoon would have gone crazy.

What can a wounded soul do, striving for the light but falling into darkness? Scream silently and continue to swallow sharp blades from those around you? Donghun couldn’t stand it anymore, but this fucking kindness, this faith in the best…

Hun was never a pious person, but no matter how much he asked God to help him, to guide him on the true path, or at least to give a concise hint on what to do, God always remained silent, and Donghun once again remained unchanged. Already in fact.

Depression, apathy, depression, tearfulness — all this became a constant companion of the once smiling, kind and sincere guy. Problems arose in the work due to the fact that the apartment had to be moved into a cramped one-room apartment in some kind of basement. But even in such a terrible state, he felt drawn to the light. It should still be good, right?..

The nights in the new apartment were terrible, especially in bad weather, when the wind was howling outside, and the furious rain was drumming on the small windows, flowing down like a wall of water. In the kitchen at such times, one of the walls always leaked, and Hun constantly placed a bucket and oilcloth nearby so that the water had somewhere to drain. And in such bad weather, the lights constantly went out and Hun took out thick candles, placing them around himself and imagining that he still had a true friend who would never betray him, with whom they both could go through all the hardships.

On one of these nights, Hun again sat on the floor among the candles. He cut out advertisements looking for employees and carefully pasted everything into his notebook, with which he then went to the collected addresses in the hope of finding at least a part-time job.

“God, help me. Please, God”. Hun whispered, flinching from the sound of thunder outside.

But God was silent again, and Hun was once again convinced that, in principle, he didn’t care anymore, he didn’t have to answer, he hadn’t hoped for anything for a long time.

Cutting out another advertisement, he grinned at his thoughts and, putting the newspaper aside, took the cutter, twirling it in his hands. He’s probably starting to go crazy from all this hopelessness, since such thoughts creep into his head.

Shaking his head, he put the cutter aside, staring at the steady flame of the crackling candle. It hypnotized and enchanted with its light, the scarlet light serenely melted the pliable wax. Donghun melted in the same way from the fact that he constantly exchanged himself for others, constantly helping and rescuing people who, in fact, were not even his friends. And in the end, all that was left of Hun was a burnt wick and a puddle of melted wax.

Biting his lip, he again took the cutter in his right hand, lifting it up his left sleeve. What the hell isn’t he joking with? The main thing is that everything is fine…